Before we even get into today’s post, make sure you’ve read this one. It sets the scene for what I’m about to say.
I wrote that post late Friday night. I was coming off a week that was just, blah, and it affected me down to my very soul. I was aching on the inside for a number of reasons. The thing about these days is that they all come down to feelings. I was feeling sad, lonely, tired, confused and lost. Feelings are valid, yes, but they are not truer than truth.
The truth is I am loved, cherished, known, emboldened, sanctified and guided by God. And so are you, even when you feel blah.
I’ve been a Christian for a number of years and, although I’m only 23, through a number of seasons. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned, through experience, is that even when you don’t feel God, you must not believe the lie that He is not there. When it’s hardest, you pray more boldly, worship more earnestly and study His word more patiently. You ignore the brick wall you feel is separating you from Him.
In the last year I have learned a lot about marriage, which doesn’t shock me because I prayed for God to transform my thinking about marriage and build my foundation on His truth, not the facade of Instagram or movies. Better to learn now than learn after I’m married, if God has plans for me to marry. Anyways, one thing He taught me is that in relationships you have to be in constant communication, and when it’s hardest is when you need to communicate the most. I feel like this applies to our relationship with Christ, too. We will never break down a wall by staring at it and wishing it wasn’t there. No, we have to take our hammers and put out the effort to accomplish the goal of removing this barrier. When we feel blah, we don’t sit there and wish it would go away. No, we use our weapons of prayer and scripture to get to the other side.
What I did Friday night and most of the weekend was take a hammer to the wall. First, I had to acknowledge that there was something in my way. Then, I did everything I could to chip away at it. I told my parents, whom I love and trust, pain points in my life that were affecting me negatively and heeded their counsel. My sweet friends let me vent to them and dump my jumbled mind onto their not as jumbled minds. I watched a sermon online after hearing my mom say someone on Facebook said everyone needs to watch it. That sermon inspired me to look inwardly and make the decision to do something I have never done before–fast.
I came up with the idea to fast coffee Sunday night after watching the sermon that told us to be still and listen. What I heard? Say goodbye to coffee and trust me. Don’t get me wrong, I like coffee. I much prefer espresso, but I’ve made it a habit to drink coffee every morning at work. However, I understand it’s not the taste of coffee that I need to relinquish. It’s what coffee represents.
The point of the morning coffee is to gain energy, focus and increase productivity. It meets a physical need by masking exhaustion or tiredness with caffeine. Often, I don’t trust that God will meet my physical needs–the things that had me so down in Saturday Snaps. By fasting coffee, I’m hoping He will reveal to me knowledge or better understanding of Him. Maybe I can learn to trust Him more with these things I deem mandatory for my life. By giving Him this physical need, He will fill the void with Himself.
I hope you can relate to the struggles I share with you, not because I hope you have struggles, but because I hope you don’t feel alone. The enemy wants us to feel secluded because we are easier to bring down when we’re separate from other believers. I’m here to tell you that I struggle daily, but Christ walks with me every step of the way. Don’t forget, He will walk with you too. Just ask Him. And as a fellow believer, I want to walk with you.
Just don’t be surprised when we go to get coffee and I order water.
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Holly Hoehner has her bachelor’s degree in public relations from the University of Oklahoma. She considers herself more of a Russell Westbrook than a Kevin Durant and enjoys learning about and participating in the digital age, blogging about anything that comes to her mind and creating witty Instagram captions. Holly was raised a die-hard Sooner fan in Edmond, OK.